It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
