Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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