Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
