I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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