Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
