I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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