I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
