Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
