They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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