how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
