That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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