I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
