you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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