Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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