Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
