My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize