I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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