Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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