omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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