Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
