I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
