Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
