Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
