I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
