just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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