He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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