Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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