My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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