we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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