When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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