I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
