We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
