Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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