Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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