mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
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Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize