Where is the hickey?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
