Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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