what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
