if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
