omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
