I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
