the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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