Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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