I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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