I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
