I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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