For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
