I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is classic penis vs brain.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
