I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
