You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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