So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
