cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
40s are totally the cure
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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