Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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