fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
