my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
