Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The beer is more important than you right now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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