You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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