You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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