i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
