We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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