btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
