i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
