I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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