shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I die, sorry about rent.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
