Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize