but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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