So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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