I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
