i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
